When Only the Stretchy Clothes Fit

image

See that pic over there? That was me at 10 weeks pregnant. I was 4 kilos off my goal weight.

I’ve got some work to do.

5 months out and I still got to get rid of the pregnancy weight.

After the silly season, emotions, and hormones have subsided and there is a sense of order back in my life, I feel that now is the time that I have to stop living in this deluded world of “oh, breasfeeding will just melt those kilos off you.”

bull. shit.

I have some serious goals to achieve in regards to health and I am bloody well going to do it through these two ancient, and odd and time consuming techniques.

1) exercise

2) eat well

crazy, right?

I am going to be a good role model for my boy. I want him to know he has a strong, capable, healthy mumma.

 

My Weekend So Far

Well,

I have had one strange and traumatic weekend.

I write this as I lie on the couch, with the husband sleeping at the other end, and the dog asleep on the floor. The teenager is in his room on the computer, and I am just gathering my thoughts on what was our weekend. I have been spending way too long dwelling on the bad things, so I am gonna condense it all in to easy to read points.

I will get the cons out of the way first…

 

CONS

teenager has been fighting at school

dog ripped open paw while digging in the yard and had to have staples under anesthetic

my attempt at bandaging her foot – ended up being too tight, poor love.

we are exhausted both emotionally and physically due to the above

feeling the affects of the drugs. Lots of crying and zoning out…

I pulled my calf muscle while doing 30 day shred (it’s okay now though)

Nic’s credit card snapped

 

PROS

I start my new job tomorrow

I figured out how to use the train for the first time on Friday

I drank a lot of nice red wine

The sun has been shining

I got to eat eggplant parmigiana and poutine

I have played 3 sets of tennis in the last 3 days

We picked our first Christmas tree (and mine ever), and even though I don’t ethically agree with it, it was pretty exciting

Nic with our tree

I had a mammoth 2 hour skype call to my friends last night and it was SO good to talk to them!

I am up to day 8 of 30 Day Shred and I am getting some muscles!

 

SO, in creating my list I will leave you with a song:

Have a great rest of your weekend!

xx Em.

 

Positives/Negatives: Changing a Whinge into A Whinny!

As I first sat down to write this post I really wanted to have a vent. Lots of stuff is going on in our lives at the moment, and although I would love to spill my guts about everything, alas it is not to be. It’s not that I am totally in to keeping secrets, its just that some  of the things that are going on in my head are not overly positive or important.

This is a post about letting go and changing negatives in to positives.

Negative: I screwed up a friendship

Positive: I’ve learned not what to do next time…

I tried to fix a friendship a while ago.  It felt a bit like I had murdered something. I said something I regretted – which unfortunately came across as me being an insensitive bitch.  That’s all i’m gonna say about that.

 Negative: I lost lots of hours at my work

Positive: I started dabbling in music tuition

For a wee while I gave myself the opportunity to wallow in my own pain. I lost financial security and a lot of self- worth. With all that free time I had acquired, I got the opportunity to be in the right place at the right time (online, on facebook), and got myself a sweet teaching deal. Out of that, I have doubled my hours and am getting paid more and working less hours.

Negative: I had to cancel a few things for our wedding

Positive: I didn’t go in to debt!

my work fell through right before our wedding. I sobbed, cancelled that appointment for my facial, and cancelled the unnecessary cupcakes for the reception. What came out of that was more personal touches at the wedding, and not a lifetime of regret through getting a bank loan!

Negative: I wanted the designer dog

Positive: I got Cleo!

I love Cleo. Although I really wanted a french bulldog, we could not afford a $3000 dog. Enter Cleo, bargain price purebred bullmastiff. Light of my life. I love her so so much I couldn’t imagine not having her around. My walks have never been the same since she came along.

Negative:Life may be changing

Positive: Life may be changing…..

My lips are sealed on this one.

 

The moral of this post has been…

Sometimes life is shit. sometimes you are met with annoying things. If Lana Del Rey comes on the radio, switch the station. Look for the opportunities to make things good. Allow yourself time to grieve, but get on with it. No one likes a whinger and too many people spend too much time feeling sorry for themselves. There is nothing worse that spending time with someone that complains constantly. So, stop it. Make a change and start viewing things in a positive way.

 

What a difference a weekend makes

Hi all
Well, I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps lately to tell you the truth. Life has been getting me down a bit, and I have found old insecurities shaking me up.
Living down at the butt end of the world can be hard, especially with being a social creature such as myself. I miss my friends, and they are scattered all over the world.
Nic doesn’t really like to go out much, and I don’t really have any friends here, but on the odd occasion that something social is happening and I am invited to partake, I am reminded that life isn’t always doom and gloom.
Invercargill is a small place, and that’s not always good. It can be a bit boring, but when you find yourself at the weekend being able to do the things you want to do with friends, then it really don’t matter where you live.
I went to a bar on Friday and ended up catching up with an old school friend and meeting a really lovely couple that we chatted to for hours. honestly, my throat was so sore from talking so much! I felt elated when I got home.
On Saturday the boys and I went for a 2 hour walk in the bush with Cleo. I loved it. I don’t think they did, but at least they were not whinging when we were walking! We came home and played risk for the rest of the day. Relaxing, and fun until I spat the dummy (there is only so many bad rolls a lady can take).
Today, I had the great surprise of an old friend coming over for coffee. She has got to be one of the busiest, creative people that I know, and after chatting with her for a while I feel SO inspired to do something creative. I don’t know what it will be, but I am going to investigate some ideas. I figure I am good at DIY, as long as I stay motivated to complete a task. I also think a makeover in on the cards. perhaps some new ink (I have had some ideas for a while now), although the last time I was tattooed I swore that would be the last time I would endure that kind of pain. It was on my ribs, though, and NEVER again will I get tattooed on my ribs. OW.

So, overall a good weekend. I have had a couple of possible job opportunities in the last few days, so I shall see if I can get something sorted and start taking control of my life.

Looking forward to the week and what opportunities it may bring for me.

Love from the deep south,

xx Em.

Oh my Gawd

Okay,

I said it last time. SORRY!!!

I have been so superemly busy that blogging really has had to be put on a standstill.

For the next few weeks I was planning on having some time off from this page, but I think what I can do is this.

I can talk about 3 things. Wedding, Exercise, and Production.

Is that a good comprimise?

Here is a start. I have been working really hard on putting together a production for the school I work at. It has been very stressful, but a lot of fun. It has been amazing but I have been out of my depth for a bit, but after a small breakdown I got it together and things are looking a lot sharper than a week ago.

Exercise has been pretty much taken up my spare time. I have just signed up to a bootcamp, and I am trying so hard to get fit and healthy. I have hit a bit of a plateax right now, but I am hoping that things will come right.

The wedding RSVPS are JUST about done. Our wedding is much smaller than we thought it was going to be, but I am now embracing that – even though I did just about cry last night when one of my besties e mailed me to stay she couldn’t come. I am so excited to see those that can come though and can’t wait to party on with them.

Nic and I have been okay, but admittedly a bit stressed. Things have been pretty hard, with the loss of Nic’s dad still affecting our lives, a grumpy teenage boy inhabiting the body of the ususally ok teenage boy in our house, and the lack of luck on the job front. Things can get pretty hard, so we are looking forward to having a night away tomorrow in Dunedin. Nothing like a bit of drinking and dancing to get things chugging along again.

Okay, so with that I am going to sit back and watch me some Jersey Shore.

 

Hope you all have a puppy to hug!

xx

Em.

Sometimes When you Feel Blue…

Sometimes I feel sad. I feel sad for the things that I do not have in my life. Some of them are very trivial like wishing I had pretty dresses or a more creative mind and the motivation to be quirkier and more put together. Some things are more serious, like wishing we had more stability, or missing my mumma as we inch closer to Mothers’ day.

Sometimes we just need to be thankful for what we DO have. Even if they are just little things. Like, I just skipped zumba and ate a big yummy chocolate sundae, I went for a walk in the park with the boys and Cleo and I kicked the fallen leaves, and I get to spend the evening in a nice warm lounge with my lovelies.

I think I should have done some exercise today. I probably would feel much better right now, but oh well, it’s just about bedtime and that ship has sailed. Tomorrow is a new day, and I am going to make the most of it. After a bit a of a break to my routine over the holidays I am adamant about getting my health on. Except for the sundae today, I have done really well. So tomorrow I am going to do it better. The next 11 weeks are going to be about doing better and bigger things. I am going to do my 1 hr run goal, and hopefully soon.

So, here is to being happier, and staying positive.

xx

Em.

Sunday

Good Morning Petals.

I wake up this morning with quite a mixed bag of emotions today.

I have been gearing up to write this piece about gearing yourself up for a lifestyle change, and I am just not feeling it! I guess I am just sleepy, or have the Sunday blues or something. Anyway, I just don’t think it’s going to happen today. This week has been emotionally hard, as I am sure all you NZers out there can identify.

I am in to my 5th week of work now. I can’t believe time is going through so quickly. When I look back at the last few weeks, there is a bit of a pattern occurring. I think I am in danger of getting a bit boring! Work is going well mostly, and I feel like I am settling in well, although there are always things cropping up that surprise me. I am still, with a stone in my stomach, worried about the production at the end of the year, and the expectation that it is going to be amazing – as I have been told that all the other ones have been. So, it’s not really the production I am scared of, it is the pressure that goes along with it. You therapists among you will be going “wait? where is the therapy in that activity?” That’s a good question, and hopefully one I will know the answer to when I am actually putting it all together. That in itself is a struggle for me.

The therapy work itself is great, staff are great, and I really enjoy spending time at work. That’s a good thing! I think I am just still getting used to work taking up all my time. I really realize that I live for the weekends and for after work time! I mean, god – if we HAD to work, would we? I think I would, just not very much!

We have started a competition at work, The Biggest Loser! We have just done one week so far, but it’s going pretty well! The aim for me is not losing weight, but getting back in to the good habits I lost a few weeks ago 🙂

However, in my first week I lost 2.9 kgs by:

  • eating less porridge in the morning
  • having fruit snacks and good museli bars
  • halving my dinner portions
  • drinking black coffee
  • drinking lots of water
  • biking as much as I can

And that is about it! I do feel really good about it, and it’s good to be motivated again. Nic and I went for a big bike ride yesterday, covering the track from the Waihopai river, to the Estuary. It was really lovely, and a beautiful day!

So, life is getting more regulated. Is that a bad thing? No, not really. Is it boring? Probably. but that’s something I can work on.

I guess the thing we are really waiting on now is Nic getting a job, and my pay to sort itself out. I am not getting my full paycheck yet, so things have been really tight financially. I have a feeling once we get that sorted, life is going to get better.

Anyway, it’s almost not the morning now, so better get going.

And strangely enough, I feel a bit better now.

Seize life. If this week has taught me anything, we have to do just that.

(s0rry about lack of pics this week! I need to do something about that soon)

 

xx

EM

Saturday Night…

Your Days of Hard Core are Numbered…

I remember when I used to rock and roll all night (and party every day). But here I am, Saturday evening, and my highlight of the night was going for a bike ride in the countryside.

You know what? I don’t really mind that much. I always was awkward when I went out, even when I was playing gigs. I would have rather been at home, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes, than doing the same thing at a crowded bar. A touch of Agoraphobia, perhaps?

I have found, the older I get – the more comfortable I am with being myself, doing my thing, and not having to justify my actions. It’s pretty good. I actually prefer not to feel hungover and awful the next day, and have fun in my own way.

Right now I am really enjoying getting back in to my routine, and leading up to getting back in to my sticker chart regime. This is the one bit of control that I can have in my life right now, as we are still waiting to know where we are going to go, or if we are going to stay right here. I am looking forward to school (depending on which school it actually is) starting again, so I can go for morning missions and afternoon jaunts around the neighbourhood. Nic and I have started exercising a bit now, and I just bought some hiking boots so we can do some harder terrain. I am really itching to join the gym, but I have to wait for the job thing.

So, at the moment my days are spent:

  • Walking up to the Wakefield lookout
  • Going to the shop/dairy
  • Driving in to Nelson to do errands
  • Bike Rides
  • Looking for Diy wedding ideas
  • Trying not to drive Nic crazy with alternate wedding venues down south
  • Testing Arlo on his ‘trick’ – (I am so PROUD I trained my Cat to do a trick!! Need a video camera so I can show him in action).
  • Playing on the compy
  • Oh, and freaking out about the job front. And here we will gently segue in to the rant…

As it stands right now, Nic is one pay day away from being fully unemployed, and I am 2 weeks from the start of term, so the pressure really is on. Nic got a letter in the mail saying they had accepted his job application (he applied for a year contract position at a school just outside Nelson), so Nelson is ahead in the city stakes right now (come ON Invercargill!!)

We do want to move to Invercargill, it is a much more sensible option for us right now, and a really good option to help fast track our future. The school that I applied for just has not replied in any shape or form, so I am sitting here, biding my time, and freaking out.

We have decided a game plan though. If I get the call back about my job first, then we go south. If Nic gets his job and I do not hear about my position within the week, then we stay here, even if it is  just another year contract (beggars can’t be choosers, and I do actually still have a job here). I do feel like we will be ‘stuck’ for another year, so we are hoping for some good progress in my job front, although I will miss my current school like crazy. In a way, if we don’t end up going south, I will be relieved as I do love working with the people I do, and feel really confident in my job. And there are a couple of other contracts I will be able to inquire about soon.

It’s good to get it all sorted in my head, and get a game plan together – we just need ACTION!!

Tomorrow, I am going to have a day of not worrying about it. I am going to have a day without stress, without wedding talk, without job talk, and without anger.

just you wait and see!

Sweet Dreams everyone,

Em.

 

Decisions, Decisions.

I have been alluding to the fact that there is something I am having to contemplate right now. I have not been able to say a lot about it except to individuals about what is going on, but that’s about it. The rest of the planning , or trying to figure out what I am going to do has been going on in my head. And it’s been driving me a bit crazy.

Here is the situation.

Nic and I are trying to decide whether we should shift away from Nelson. We have thought about this before in the not so distant past, but this time we are getting a bit more serious about it.

I have posting on here occasionally about the state of Nic’s job prospects over the last few months. There has been a lot more rejection than I have really advertised, and the constant looking for jobs has been really getting us down. Nic is a fully qualified primary school teacher, with a large amount of experience in special needs teaching. Even with all this experience, he is not getting a shoe in the door, and is being turned down for jobs left right and centre. The problem here with working is that so many people want to live here, and people that already have permanent positions are not giving them up. There is not much of a worker shift here and the positions are coveted by many. Several job applications he turned in had 45-65 applicants.

I was hoping to get more hours from my employer, too. As it stands, I have a 17 hour a week job at a school and 1 hour a week working for a government department. So, 18 hours a week, with OK pay, but I do not get paid for school holidays, which is about 13 weeks of the year. I had asked my employer for a raise, but there is no money available in the budget for this. I was really disappointed in the outcome, but it’s totally understandable. you can’t miracle money out of nothing, and money in education is really tight.

So, knowing that I have 18 hours a week, Nic does not have work, and his son Illie is now living with us full time for the next 5 years does put a bit of stress on the situation. As is the nature of contract work, I am unsure if I will get more hours in the future as my reputation grows. I have recently been contacted about some extra work, but I am not sure about how many hours I will get, or if I will get my standard rate. It’s all quite up in the air.

And So It Begins….

I found a job that was advertised a while ago in Invercargill.

Here is nelson:  here is Invercargill: 

So, in a nutshell, the position is a very good one. It is a permanent full time position. It is on a wage. I would get paid for holidays. I would get paid more overall working there than I would here due to doing 18 more hours a week. The position is at a school very similar to what I am at now, but I would be a staff member, and not a contractor like I am here.

Sounds good, right? Logically I know this is a good deal, it’s just it’s in Invercargill. I grew up there, so I know it particularly well. It’s reputation has a tendency to precede itself. No one is really fighting to move there. It’s a flat, quiet, slightly boring city. Not very affluent, not particularly rich in culture (though some would argue it is), and it has much worse weather than Nelson. However, it is cheap to live there, I have several friends there, and my Dad and Grandma are there.

Oh you know I am about to write a pros and cons list.

Moving to Invercargill:

Pros:

  • I have a stable job
  • I can afford to support Nic and Iliam
  • We can live in a cheap house, paying $160 less than what we do here per week
  • I can have a garden
  • I can get a dog and some chickens
  • we will be close to Dunedin, Te Anau and Queenstown
  • my allergy crap will go away
  • I am familiar with the city and people
  • we can save for a house
  • we can have more money for our wedding
  • we can stress less about making ends meet
  • we can buy a new car and update our furnishings
  • Nic and I can do post grad studies at teachers college

Cons:

  • I said I would never live in Invercargill again
  • it is boring there
  • the shopping is terrible most of the time
  • I think I am ‘better’ than living in that city       (this is a problem I have myself, and I need to get over it!)
  • Having family close is not necessarily a good thing
  • living in the flat will remind me of Mum (was my parents old house)
  • a sense of ‘failure’ having to return home
  • Having to find another bloody wedding venue
  • we will be stuck there for 5 years

Staying in Nelson

Pros:

  • beautiful weather
  • great lifestyle
  • lots of people of different cultures
  • access to golden bay
  • staying in a job that I am comfortable in and that I enjoy
  • getting to keep my private client that I love seeing every week
  • having some great co-workers
  • being able to have an active lifestyle
  • feels like we are on summer holiday all year round

Cons:

  • struggling for pay
  • trying to find a flat is hard
  • cannot buy a house without a permanent contract
  • having to have multiple jobs
  • paying lots of rent for little return
  • it’s too hot sometimes
  • people can be unfriendly/hard to make friends
  • we would have to leave the friends we have already made
  • mostly bad shopping
  • pollen trying to kill me

So, we have a bit of thinking to do. Many people I have talked to have shown us how positive a move it would be to go to Invercargill. It would mean so much financial security for us, and it’s a good wee town to grow up in (for Illie and maybe future spawn)

The scary thing is I think I know what the sensible thing to do is… I just don’t want to admit it.

Can you tell me what to do? Maybe I should take a vote. Your comments will definitely help!

xx

EM.