Ive been thinking so much about deleting this page, starting again – afresh and all that, but then I thought no, I’ll just leave it, move on and try to make an effort to catch up on things.
so. Much. So, so much.
did you know my wee baby is 13 months?
I can’t believe my last post was in February.
I think having a wee baby and trying to write when you are sleep deprived and struggling with this new wee tiny human and trying to be everything else for everyone just got a bit overwhelming. I was really scared of getting post natal depression, and I thought for a wee bit that I was unwell. Both my mother and sister developed PND, and even had elements of psychosis. I understandably was a bit worried. I haven’t actually shared that with anyone and I guess that’s been a bit of an issue, too. I got out the other side though, so relief!
the turnaround for me was really doing the colour run, and of course for Eli to get a bit older and sleep a bit more regularly. My work was taking over, things were too chaotic, I was struggling with relationships. Things had to simplify and I just had to focus on the wee man, the family, and myself.
but, things are changing all the time here. More work, more fun with the wee man, more work on the house, trying to get it all right and all in order.
theres going to be so much to talk about in the next while, and I look forward to sharing this journey with you!
A LOT has been going on in my life lately. I have been struggling to keep up! I’m filling in for someone at work this fortnight, and man it has been a huge juggling act. The good news is, we could really benefit from a cash injection, and after next Friday we are on holiday for a long weekend. Cannot WAIT.
So, I have had a bit of a revelation in the last few weeks. Happiness comes from the choices you make. You can choose to dwell on things that have happened, or you can move on. There are so many other things to focus on in life that are brilliant. When I was at university, friends of mine came up with the idea of a gratitude journal (this idea was ultimately stolen from the Oprah show). Writing down the positives really do help to change your mindset. Instead of writing things down this time around I thought action should speak louder than words. So I gave myself a goal.
I am so scared but excited. The whole idea behind doing it is to give me something positive to focus on, push myself physically and mentally, and have an ongoing goal whenever I go for a run. Run longer, faster, and funner. I want to be able to enjoy the experience.
So, it’s been really good to focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. Other things I have to look forward to are going to Havelock North for a break next weekend; my sister is coming over from the UK for a visit; the colour run; my bestie coming for a visit; and my Pop also coming to stay with us.
Even in the darkest situations you can still find goodness. I love my life. Things aren’t always perfect. I’ve found being a new mum and being tired, stressed, and like you are fighting against the world is pretty universal. Your other relationships do take a back seat, but I am getting so much joy from being a mumma, and I know things will get so much easier in other parts of my life, too.
I have been getting short sharp bursts of motivation to create my business. It comes and goes, but at the moment I am all for it.
As I sit in front of the computer, researching business cards, I feel a little “American Psycho”. What font? What colour? Need reminding of what i’m talking about?
So, yes..advertising. All part of the game apparently. I’m trying to get myself out there to obtain more music students, expand what i’m offering to particular groups and demographics, and yes ultimately call the shots fully so I can earn and be with my wee guy. That’s the goal anyway.
It will be interesting to see how my employment changes in the coming months. I know although i’m earning at the moment, I can earn more, spend more time at home, and do what I love, which is music.
The last week has seen me get back into some resemblance of a routine.
The boys are back at school, so now it’s just me, the animals, and the bub at home. It’s been good to have some space to think, and i’m not nearly as lonely as I thought I would be.
Every morning I have been going for long walks with the stroller and Cleo. The weather has been epic, and it’s so good to be able to get out without being in pain and walk for a good couple of hours. I absolutely love this town. Great walking tracks, and it’s so peaceful – except for the chirping of the cicadas!
So, I have started working from home again, setting up music lessons. I have 4 students at the moment and I am looking to expand that in to lessons that can go throughout the day with beginner adults. I have even contacted an accountant today to get my ideas in order and to sort out my tax, so that I can focus on what is important and not worry myself with the nitty-gritty.
I have gotten back in to good habits with exercise and eating. I have even lost a couple of kilos, so am feeling a bit better about things there.
bub is doing really well this week. I cracked out the jolly jumper today, and he LOVES it.
All is well in the sunshine. Right I have a student arriving soon! Better get organised.
See that pic over there? That was me at 10 weeks pregnant. I was 4 kilos off my goal weight.
I’ve got some work to do.
5 months out and I still got to get rid of the pregnancy weight.
After the silly season, emotions, and hormones have subsided and there is a sense of order back in my life, I feel that now is the time that I have to stop living in this deluded world of “oh, breasfeeding will just melt those kilos off you.”
I have some serious goals to achieve in regards to health and I am bloody well going to do it through these two ancient, and odd and time consuming techniques.
2) eat well
I am going to be a good role model for my boy. I want him to know he has a strong, capable, healthy mumma.
it’s 2014. Wow. 2013 for me was a hugely hectic time filled with life changing experiences. I have changed as a person both physically and mentally since becoming a mother. I feel like I am more driven with my goals as they are all about what will benefit me, and my wee man. This year is going to be about setting a path for the future, doing things that I love, and things that will enrich the lives of those around me.
So, with no further delay, I will make a promise to myself. To try. To work hard. To be proud of myself. To use the skills that I have and not to compromise.
I look forward to working on this blog more and sharing my life and my loves.